Writer: Shuckie

Be careful to watch out for the red flags in your relationships. Here are a few tips that should get you thinking.

1. Controlling behavior. A controlling person usually convinces you that the rules set are for your own good. This can be destructive and can lead to feelings of shame and reliance. For example isolating one from friends and family, controlling one’s personal style choices and limiting where you go.

2. Insecurity. Relationships should be fulfilling both emotionally and physically. Everyone has insecurities but they should never be exacerbated by your partner. Frequent criticism can fuel contempt and deplete self-worth.

3. Inconsistency. A healthy relationship should feel safe. An inconsistent person is one who is unreliable. Whether they take long periods without reaching out or don’t call when they say that they will and then suddenly call you with some excuse or apology, that’s a red flag that you need to look out for.

4. Possessiveness. A little jealousy here and there is not a bad thing. It’s actually a good thing because you know that your partner cares about you. But if it’s connected with hostility, threats or rage, then that’s a red flag especially if it worsens over time.

5. Verbal or emotional abuse. In a healthy relationship, there is support and encouragement for one another. Anyone that makes you feel like you are the problem or are the one causing them to act in a certain way is a red flag. Their actions are their making as it is their choice to act in that way. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

6. Emotional unavailability. When someone is emotionally unavailable, they do not take appropriate steps to put in effort. For example, they want to see you only when it is convenient for them, they only want to see you late at night (and you know what this means) or they might even tell you that they do not want a relationship.

7. Fights. A healthy relationship should add to your happiness, not take it away from you. No relationship is perfect but constant fighting over insignificant little things is a red flag especially when you have just started dating.

8. Unequal input and output. It is very important that both of you are putting in as much effort as the other. Look at how much both of you are putting in and receiving in the relationship. If you feel like you are giving more than what you are given back, that should be a warning sign.

9. Anger issues. If someone is very quick to anger, switches emotions quickly (happiness to rage) or has frequent outbursts, such a person is very unpleasant to be around. This shows inability to regulate emotions.

10 Physical abuse. Any kind of physical abuse should be an absolute 100% NO. No one should behave in a way that is physically abusive to their partner. You should never feel frightened or threatened in a relationship.

Always take your gut feeling into consideration. If you feel like it’s not going to work out, walk away. Do not force anything.

Leah Grace Oketcho, is a highly talented Communication specialist, gifted in leadership with over 3 years of leadership and management experience at different levels. She is a team player and has demonstrated ability in mobilizing and organizing others to achieve desired goals. Oketcho is well vast in the art of creating alternatives for ways to get results. She has over the years grown in the art of corporate communications and also participated in the development of performance management materials for various professional institutions. Leah received training in research, scripting, international relations, and data analysis as well as public relations. She is passionate about solving public health related problems. She has offered training to youth in oral and written communication, people management and mentoring, editing and documentation skills, public speaking.

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