Writer: Otim J Obunak BROKEN WINDOWS 256

A pick me guy/girl purposely says bad things about their own gender to satisfy the opposite gender. In other words, it’s someone who seeks male or female attention. The statement “Pick me girl” is commonly used as an insult used by women to shame other women for not hating men. The “pick me girl/boy” goes as far as redefining one’s personality to fit a particular look that is desirable and admirable for every girl or boy.

According to the masterfully resourceful slang hub at Urban Dictionary, a “pick me” is defined as “a woman who wants the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex) so badly, she’ll throw her fellow woman under the bus.

Pick-Me Girls compare themselves to other women to such a degree that they’re setting women’s rights back at least a century by condemning the women who don’t want to be subservient to men. The Pick-Me Girl’s only goal is, supposedly, to find a husband, any husband and be proud to be his sexually available doormat dressed like a 1930s housewife. These housewives are known to be the last gasp of chauvinism, brainwashed to believe that if they don’t play the game, they will lose the love and protection of men.

Pick-me mentality is a really toxic one which can be as a result of different things including limited social association or religious cultures that impose particular duties on different sexes. Most “pick-me” girls are behaving like that because they crave for men’s attention and validation which could be a symptom of either absenteeism of the parents from a tender age or totally culturally rooted families.

In Uganda, I would argue that our culture creates a pick me mentality for women. An example is the Okukyalira ensiko or ‘visiting the bush’ a practice by the Baganda of elongating the labia minora, which young girls start performing before menarche (the first occurrence of menstruation). As a mandatory rite of passage that identifies membership of the tribe, one of its main purposes is to enhance sexual pleasure for mostly men.

The male equivalent of a pick me is a pick – he, defined as a guy who uses self-depreciation in a manipulative way so a girl will date him. They will say bad things about themselves to try to get the girl to oppose what they’ve said. A pick- he man has to be very manipulative in order to achieve sympathy and emotional desire from a girl to either give him sexual pleasure or fall for his trap to be vulnerable. The trend lately is that a vulnerable guy is a sweet guy and therefore makes him very desirable for women.

A man who tries to get girls by saying things like “I’m too nice”, “girls don’t like nice men like me”, “I’m so ugly”, and often claims to be different and how nobody likes them. This is done with a purpose to force the girl to have to say “you’re not ugly, you are very handsome I don’t know if anyone has told you ….” in a way obliging the girl to make advances at him.

I would advise that at all costs avoid falling for someone who is always placing himself as a victim in his story by using emotional manipulation and guilt tripping to get their way, and obsessed over how they aren’t like other guys.

As I conclude, I raise two questions that tilt the PICK ME slander that is placed on some women,

1. First, is feminism about choice and equality in that no one should be prejudiced on who they choose to be or not be?

2. Do men also circumcise in order to be picked by women? This is because it is said that women whose male sexual partners were circumcised report an improvement in their sex life. In other words women benefit more when a man gets circumcised.

Otim J Obunak BROKEN WINDOWS 256


Leah Grace Oketcho, is a highly talented Communication specialist, gifted in leadership with over 3 years of leadership and management experience at different levels. She is a team player and has demonstrated ability in mobilizing and organizing others to achieve desired goals. Oketcho is well vast in the art of creating alternatives for ways to get results. She has over the years grown in the art of corporate communications and also participated in the development of performance management materials for various professional institutions. Leah received training in research, scripting, international relations, and data analysis as well as public relations. She is passionate about solving public health related problems. She has offered training to youth in oral and written communication, people management and mentoring, editing and documentation skills, public speaking.


  1. Very thoughtful, its always very nice to evaluate yourself self emotional, physically, financially and spiritual before you fall for someone because the “pick me” or pick manipulate the above areas and before you know it, you think you’re in “love”


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