At this point in life, I am not quite sure where my life is going. In fact, I am afraid it may leave me stunted. It’s a terrifying thought. I just graduated top of my class with excellent grades and yet the future seems scary. Well, I pray it gets better. Being busy each day helps me feel complete and the idea of not having what to do in the long run scares me so much. I don’t want to seat home, I want to wake up early each morning and go to something for people, something for myself.
It’s been a long journey of contemplation. The fear comes at every level of growth. What if…..becomes your daily bread.
At this point, there’s no one to blame. And that becomes a complication because it all falls on you. I promised myself that I won’t allow myself to be depressed and yet I fear I may become depressed. Why? Because the future looks foggy. One moment I think I have it and another it feels like it is slipping away.
I want to be useful. I want to be helpful and want to be needed. If I stay home I will be limited. I don’t want to stay at home.
Be hopeful. Life is what you make, it so they say. Is it really though? Is it not what God makes it …what he desires it to be?
I should wait on him but the fear of uncertainty overwhelms me.