Standing on my second floor balcony, eyes closed, deep inhale, arms spread wide out, broad smile, wind beneath my wings. That describes perfectly my mood right now.
You see, for the most part of my life, I was conditioned to do what was expected of me, be who I was expected to be, whatever circles I found myself in. The unfortunate thing about this conditioning is that you lose yourself, the real you, and become an actor in whatever script is at play. The beauty (or horror) of acting though, is that you get to keep a part of every script and own it.
Now in case you’re wondering where this is going, no, this is not a sad story of hopelessness and regret. And no, am not coming out to openly declare am a lesbian who has secretly been burning with passions unquenched.
I am a grown-ass woman, beautiful in every way imaginable, confident in my sexuality, and abounding in love. I am a child of God Almighty, I like to indulge in conversations, I am a great listener, and I cuss sometimes. I am a crazy romantic, I believe in happily everafter and that dreams do come true.
I say this now, but there was a time in my life when I didn’t recognise myself at all. I had adapted one too any times that I lost the sense of who I truly was. I had no opinion of my own and I didn’t think it mattered. I wasn’t that important. I was expected to be a certain person, behave a certain way, and even though I role-played a lot in my head and behind closed doors, I was determined to keep up my public image. I’ll tell you for sure, THAT SUCKS!
Recently when I told a close friend about #conversationswitheve and the things I plan to do with it, his response to me was this: “Don’t procrastinate. You denied us the real Evelyn for 30+ years”. What a loss! What a loss!
You know, when you let other people dictate how you should live your life, what you are allowed to say and not to say, how you should dress, who you should be friends with, and so on, then you defeat God’s purpose for your life. There’s a light inside each one of us that so badly wants to shine out. But we keep blocking it with shadows of limitation.
“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” – Marianne Williamson
Whatever labels have been used to describe you; single, married, divorced, christian, muslim, buddhist, female, male, gay, straight, queer; whatever it is, there is so much more inside of you than that label. Labels only put limitations on us. We were each created so uniquely with a wealth of resources inside of us that it will take eternity to be able to mine them all out. You are more than you think you are! You were created for more than you are offering! Free yourself from the bonds of limitation. Allow yourself to think, to dream, to be. The world awaits your manifestation! I choose to break free from the bonds of limitation.
I choose to look fear in the face with a boldness that overcomes. My laughter, my sarcasm; my achievements, my failures; my battles, my scars, my messes; my passions, my desires; all these make up the beautiful human being I was created to be. I will let my light shine. Unapologetically.