Writer: Shuckie

What makes any relationship stronger is communication. And all relationships have issues. You are two different people so there is simply no way you will miss out on misunderstandings. It is normal. But when it comes to the relationships that have been further challenged by distance, I cannot stress enough how important communication is. Communicate as much as you can. Make communication a priority. Talk about your day with him/her. This way you will be able to schedule time when to give each other a phone call or a video call.

You should be excited and always look forward to the phone call. It always gets me through the day. Talking breathes life into the relationship. It also keeps both of you close to each other. Although you shouldn’t be imprisoned by the phone call. Do not bring yourself unnecessary pressure. It should be more natural.

Remind him/her how much you love them and what you love about your relationship. Yes, actually saying the words is as important as the actions that show love. Doubt, jealousy and insecurities are bound to arise in a long distance relationship. Heck the distance does that for you without you even trying. Frequent verbal assurances with each other can help allay some of those fears. Say I love you as often as possible.

Find a way to hang out together. Set up dates and spend some time with each other. You can have virtual dinner dates, watch a movie together, etc. Try setting up dates a few days in advance in order to build anticipation. Thank God for smartphones. Use it to bridge the gap between each other.

Long distances can be draining and so try to focus on the positive aspects of it. Honestly, it is very hard to stay away from someone you are madly in love with. But think about all the positives that come with long distance. For example, when you get to talk to him/her you give them 100% of your undivided attention. I think you actually learn more about each other through talking. Also you can focus your energy and attention on other things like family and friends when not with your partner.

Be open about your thoughts and feelings. When you talk to him/her, do not leave out even the tiniest detail. Get down to even the most boring detail. Talk about the things that have been frustrating you. They might be able to give you some words of encouragement. It is very important for your partner to know how you feel. Trust me long distance can be very frustrating at times especially when you miss your loved one. So it is important for your partner to know this. Open communication is important in any relationship.

Respect the reason why you are apart. There is no doubt that long distance is difficult. But it is important to remind each other why you are away from each other. It could be because of military service, work or school. But do not make impulsive decisions like quitting your job or school. It might be a romantic gesture but you will be giving up on your plan or goal. Rather focus on the end date.

Get intentional. Successful long distance relationships need much more planning and forethought. When it comes to relationships, most people fall into them and make it up as they get along. But with distance, you have the opportunity to plan through the relationship. You get to talk about what your future looks like, your fears etc.

Set an end date. An end date is that day when you get to see each other after a long wait. The anticipation created with this date keeps both of you going and encouraged. It keeps you from giving up on each other since there is hope for you to see each other again.

Mark your territory. Having physical reminders of each other in your space really helps. For example having their T-shirt in your closet, their mug, photo in the wallet or workstation. These little things will make them feel close to your heart.

Support each other’s interests. In a secure relationship, personal growth and change is healthy. People are bound to change, grow and mature. This therefore forces your relationship to change in the process. Find ways to stay connected and push each other forward. Encourage each other to do the things that you love.

Long distance relationships do work out although they require a lot of work, effort and patience.

Leah Grace Oketcho, is a highly talented Communication specialist, gifted in leadership with over 3 years of leadership and management experience at different levels. She is a team player and has demonstrated ability in mobilizing and organizing others to achieve desired goals. Oketcho is well vast in the art of creating alternatives for ways to get results. She has over the years grown in the art of corporate communications and also participated in the development of performance management materials for various professional institutions. Leah received training in research, scripting, international relations, and data analysis as well as public relations. She is passionate about solving public health related problems. She has offered training to youth in oral and written communication, people management and mentoring, editing and documentation skills, public speaking.


  1. Preach.
    I believe these are principles that can be adopted in any relationship.
    You had me at being intentional, making our territory – LOL, reminding our loved ones that we love them. We can’t overstate affirmation. “There are things we cognitively know, that we don’t emotionally feel until we audibly hear them.” We should not assume that they already know, so no need. Saying it emphasizes the commitment made to each other and fosters intimacy.
    Words of Affirmation may not be their language, but if we are intentional and present, we learn to love in ways that their needs


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